I Fall to Pieces

True story, I'm kinda losing it.  Last week was full of extreme highs -- the annual Cabaret de Caliente Blacklight Ball was amazing thanks to a dedicated and fabulous cast & crew and a loving audience -- and lows when I honestly just fell apart and cried in frustration.

Summer is always tough balancing work and caring for two active boys; I know why so many parents think Back to School is actually the most wonderful time of the year!  I generally plan very little in July and August because of this, but as my husband seeks a a new contract or full-time position Burlesque and BurlyQFit are paying the bills.

My husband planned a special trip with his guy friends and since this is rare for him I encouraged it. But he overdid it, came home and got pretty ill, right before we were leaving to produce the Blacklight Ball. And he's interviewing nonstop to find work that supports our family without him traveling the globe.

So stopping hasn't been an option.  I had a lovely blog mostly finished before we drove to Sebastopol, CA, from Portland (11 hours).  All about the importance of Hitting Pause and resting -- and because I was going so hard I couldn't finish it, and I certainly wasn't hitting pause myself.

There it was -- I had a crap ton of things to do, a lot of pressure about what's happening in the next few weeks and no time for a break.  So I fell to pieces -- I cried solo in the bathroom, I cried in front of my kids as I tried to explain that I was having a hard time and really needed their help, I cried and laughed with girlfriends.  I really had to let it go, and crying was just about the only thing I could do.

And I made it.  I'm back home in hot, smokey Portland, ready to teach my weekly BurlyQFit Skills & Drills class tonight.  I'm keeping the wheels on the bus, barely.  I'm so excited I get to dance tonight, it's certainly better than being bottled up, and if I need to cry again to let it all out and make space for myself I will.

There's really only so much any one of us can hold, and when life gets so busy and overwhelming that we can't make yoga or dance class, or other self-care, have deadlines we just can't miss, or bills we must pay, sometimes a good cry is the best remedy.  So if you need to cry it out, know that you're in good company!

Bling & Blessings, Eva


Eva D’Luscious is a Burlesque performer and producer based in Portland, OR, and Creatrix of BurlyQFit – a body positive Burlesque technique and fitness program for women ready to strip away shame and shimmy into self-confidence. While she prefers to dance and laugh with friends, she has been known to cry when needed. Join the conversation about body positivity, fun fitness and boss babes ruling their lives in the BurlyQFit Babes Facebook Group